The Morning

As I opened my eyes again I realized I was not in my bed.  Who was this next to me?  The same overwhelming feeling came over me.  I had done it again.  What had happened?  I had asked myself this question many times before, after the same result, after the same brutal feeling.  Over and over, it´s as if I just couldn´t break the pattern.  I couldn´t stop myself.  The euphoria of the night carried me all the way through the morning to this minute of anguish, when all the walls seemed to close in over me.  I tried to remember…but nothing.  I felt crushed, it was hard to breathe.  I felt a thousand eyes upon me but I knew I was alone.  Was my mind going?  No. This was my stop. Just another subway ride to work.